Surviving Life and The Traumatic Events that Change Us: Do Life Before it's too Late

Surviving Life and The Traumatic Events that Change Us: Do Life Before it's too Late: So, I just got done watching this movie called Carolina. It was made in 2003 and it starred Shirley MacLaine as Grandma Millicent Mirabe...

Do Life Before it's too Late

So, I just got done watching this movie called Carolina. It was made in 2003 and it starred Shirley MacLaine as Grandma Millicent Mirabeau. The one thing that inspired me the most was Grandma’s outlook on life. If she wanted something bad enough, she showed up with a shotgun. That made me laugh so hard. She didn’t take anything from anyone unless it was her way or what she already wanted in the first place and absolutely no one could have hurt that woman unless they died and she loved them.

Now, that is the kind of woman I wish I had been my whole life. I wish so many things about myself. I pray and ask God over and over again to please, let me go back and try life again. Maybe I would do it right this time. What are my regrets you ask? Well, my kids and not doing right by them, my parents and not doing right by them and last but not least, myself and not doing right by me.

I think I know the exact moment that I realized that I was a misfit. It was the moment I walked into Lincoln Elementary 6^th grade class. All the kids in that class were expecting a new kid and they knew she was a girl. So, everybody was hoping for some movie star looking perfect beauty queen and in walked me.  A curly headed little orphan Annie looking girl except chubby. I remember that moment exactly and how all the kids looked at me and then immediately looked back down at their desks. You could hear the disappointment in the room. It was deafening to me.

That was the defining moment in my life that made me realize that, I was alone. Oh, I had a family, and oh how I loved my family and they loved me. But, in that moment, I realized that I was going to have to do something incredible to ever be anything but…a misfit. I have been trying ever since to be and do something special in this world and as much as I tried the more I failed.

Now here I sit in a mobile home in Missouri, nowhere to go. No friends really that I can go and do things with. My kids are grown, haven’t seen my daughter or my grandkids in six years. My body is broken, my brain a big pile of tears, fears, regrets and nowhere to go from there.

Now what do I do with my life? The house sits silent. I can’t just get in my car and drive for many reasons. I have a hard enough time trying to remember what time it is let alone write another book. Now where do I go? Now what do I do? I am only 48 years old and it seems my life is over while the world just moves past.

It’s almost like I want to tell the world out there that as long as you’re thin the world is your oyster. I don’t mean for people, especially kids to think oh I have to be thin to be counted or make it as something in this world; the deal is, like college. When you go out into the world after college the work force does not care what your grade point average was but that you made it through, that you graduated. That is the whole point. College makes you strong enough to endure. That is a big word, endure. And the same with your body, you have to work hard to have a good strong body. It doesn’t just come from the genes you are born with. Life is the same way. You have to work hard to have a good life. You can’t just watch life, you have to go out there and take it by the horns and get life, even if you walk into it looking like little orphan Annie.

Let me be an example of what not to do. Don’t spend your life dreaming or hoping someone else will always take care of you. Get up, get out there and do it yourself while you are still young enough to do it. Otherwise, you will end up sad, alone, depressed with all these disorders and mental, like me. If I can’t do it, maybe I can help someone else do it, live, make it and still be strong way past 48.

For me the best I can do, is hope and pray for my kids, pray and hope for my family, take my meds and sleep. Right now I really am laughing at myself because I really do wish I could sleep but I can’t. So I am writing this, hoping to reach the right person out there somewhere that needed this. You don’t have to be what everyone else is hoping for, but you do have to give all you got to be what you are hoping for and don’t let the rest of the world get to you.

Here’s to you…now go get ‘em.

Love,

Anne M. Thompson.

Help! I want to survive!

I am so desperately in need of a weight loss institute that also has Doctors and Counselors and Therapists. My weight has become a life and death situation to me because it causes me to have uncontrollable anxiety and depression.

I just can’t live with it anymore and on top of that I have arthritis, Myofascial Pain Syndrome, PTSD, Panic Distress Disorder, Social Anxiety among other things and I am have also been raped.

Being raped is not the worst.  Losing my daughter and four grandchildren has been the worst. For six years my brain wakes up thinking about them and goes to sleep praying for them and every moment of every day my brain screams their names. They are not dead. The person that raped me was my son in law who was drugged out of his mind. He is not the only one at fault. I am at fault as well for putting myself in the position for the rapes to happen. Yes, I said RAPES. I was also using marijuana at the time that I was getting from him that he was adding other drugs to before giving them to me that was making me unaware of what was happening to me at the time accept for the last time.

But, that is not the point. What is the point? It is that I have gone, over the last 6 years from 115 lbs to 180 lbs and my stomach is disgusting. People keep telling me that I need to learn to love myself as I am. Well, gee, I can’t. I absolutely cannot. I am so distressed over my weight that I have damaged my body desperately trying to work it out.

The thing is, I didn’t eat myself this way! I have an auto-immune thyroid disorder and I have tried everything you can imagine to build up my metabolism and nothing has worked. I am fighting depression. I need help. I cannot take this anymore.

I also need to have an endoscopy and a colonoscopy which my doctor has ordered but yet I have chickened out of each time because I freak out. I have had a lot of surgeries and although this is not a surgery, I will still be put under anesthetic and in the past, I have had panic attacks while under anesthesia and in the process of waking up.

I can’t eat a lot of solid food because after I eat it, it feels like I have rocks in my stomach and I basically live on protein shakes, fruit smoothies and veggie drinks. I am also in a lot of pain that at times is controlled and at others, nothing works.

As if that is not enough, I am financially unstable. HELP!! What is the answer? Where is a miracle place that can help me? There has to be a place out there somewhere that can help me. Is there? Is there?

 Me before:

Me After:

Is there someplace out there that I can go that can help me? I can't do this alone. I need everyday help and people that understand all the health issues I have and can properly treat me. Is there?

Surviving Life and The Traumatic Events that Change Us: Changes

Surviving Life and The Traumatic Events that Change Us: Changes

Changes

Wow, so it has been a very long time since I have been here. Blogging again after so long is almost like being unwrapped from a full body cast, head to toe.

The things I am going to be writing about are not always going to be about surviving traumatic events and what happened to me and others but, I am going to be writing about these things.

I have a story in mind. This story is one that you will have you coming back to my blog for more, a story about a fantasy life that has been lived out in a fantasy world. It has been lived out in a virtual world so it is more non-fiction than fiction but then again, it has been lived in virtual reality so; make up your own mind. Is a virtual life fiction or non-fiction? Although the characters are virtual there are real people putting the action, emotion and communication behind the characters.

The stories are based on real people and their experiences in a virtual world called Second Life. You may have heard of it. I don’t want to go into the psychological views because there are many opinions out there on virtual lives. Each person that experiences and keeps going back has their own reasons. Some are there because they are disabled in real life and in a virtual world they can walk, fly, do almost anything and be almost anything. Some have illnesses that make it almost impossible for them to live life to the fullest it was meant to be lived but they can in a virtual world.

Everyone has their own opinion, even doctors but until you live someone else’s life, even the doctors have no right to dictate what is better for a person than that person themselves. And again, that is an opinion, my opinion and isn’t the world full of opinions? So many, that the world has become scary with them. I am not saying that if a doctor tells you that you need medication that you don’t have to listen to them; I am only saying that in my own experience, this virtual world has brought life to me that I could not find anywhere else in this world.

Let me give you an example. A woman sits alone, sad and lonely. She has very few friends and her family does not live in the same town. She has no one to talk to most of the time or share a little time with where someone is holding her, cuddling with her, telling her she is beautiful, sharing things that they love doing together. But, that person can go online into a virtual world and share those moments with someone. It is not physically real but it is emotionally real and psychologists have proven that the effects mentally can be the same and most of all comforting. Some say it is just putting a band aid on real life but for some, there is no source of a real life cure to what ails them.

For some, it is the only way that they are ever going to get to feel those feelings that they long for. To hear someone tell them that they are perfect and beautiful or to have someone to do things with that they have in common. That can be impossible for some in life.

So, there is the future for my blog in black and white. Come back for more if you like. I still desire to entice you and mystify you, keep you coming back for more.

Sincerely,

Anne Thompson, still surviving.

Introducing Gloria's Designs by artist Gloria Thompson

My mother, her name is Gloria Joyce Thompson and she is 78 years old. Wow! That is hard for me to believe. You would never know that to see her. She is so beautiful and wonderful and still has my Daddy right by her side. It is amazing to see these two together after being married for 60 some years. It is absolutely a beautiful love story.
My mother, though has been a very busy girl and I just have to tell the world all about it! . She has found a way to help subsidize their income and do something that she loves so she has successfully created beautiful art in Jewelry.  Let me tell you she has done an amazing job! I want to help the world to see this beauty so I decided to highlight her work in my blog to help her feel super special and to show off her work. Here are some pictures of her amazing work. Like it, love it, pin it and then wear and be happy! All that you see here can be found at http://designsbygloria.weebly.com/

Enjoy and come by and see us.

Back to trucking. Needing a Miralce!

We need a Miracle

I am asking; no let’s just say that I am ready at this point to beg! Who are we? My name is Anne, I am 45 years old and I am sick. That isn’t going to get better. It takes medical help to get well these days and I do not have that. Then there is my husband Jeff. He is an amazing man. He works harder than any man I have ever known to take care of his family. We also have three children, all grown except one, Andy. Andy is 24 years old and suffers from a traumatic brain injury that happened during a car accident when he was only 10 months old. He is a wonderful boy that does the best he can. He does have a part time job and he can drive and run errands. If you met him you would probably say that he is the sweetest guy you have ever met. He does not have book smarts but he knows how to respect and love others no matter what and that is a rare find. He understands how to treat a lady and how to know the difference.

My husband is also a rare find. He is honest and true. The love we have a true and I and grateful that if I have nothing in this world, I know I have true love, real love.

With all of that we are still losing it all. Jeff drives a truck for a living, and trust me; he is not what you would normally see in a truck driver. He is smart; he is good looking, clean shaven, respectful, honest and has a heart of gold. He has to, he loves me.  

The problem is that our truck is old and it breaks down every week and it takes everything we make to keep it up and running and yes, it is the only job that he can do. We are drowning in our truck because of the trucking industry and all the industries attached to that. Trucking companies are trying to survive these days by stealing from the drivers with the trucks and the truck manufacturers are doing the same by making parts that they know will not work so that those that own trucks constantly have to buy the parts to keep the trucks running. There is no fixing this. The trucking industry is the biggest mob on the planet.

The only way possible to survive is not to buy a new truck, which would be nice so I could ride and live with my husband too, but that would cause bigger problems because the new trucks are worse than the old trucks. What our old truck needs is a makeover. It needs an overhaul and a new transmission and new tires all the way around and a job that pays well enough to maintain that truck and the bills at home. Is that too much to ask out of anyone?

The trucking industry used to be designed to work well for anyone interested. That was fifty years ago. Now, there are so many thieves in the business and greed has taken over. Now the industry is made up of rip off artist that make it a game to see who can steal the most and who can stay on top the longest. Trucking companies are not regulated by anyone! It is true. Not even the government. The only thing that regulates the trucking industry is the DOT and they only care what happens on the road, so trucking companies can do whatever they want, no one over sees them at all!

So, what I am asking for is help.  We need a home, right now we live in a mobile home that is falling apart and there is more money against it than it is worth by far. We only have one vehicle and my son has to have that to get to work, which is only part time because no one will give him job due to his disability. Me? I’m a waste. I am irrelevant. I can’t pull my own weight and I am sorry for that. What has happened to me can’t be fixed, not without a lot of medical help.

That is what is happening in the USA now. Those that can will make it, the strong, the smart and the rich. Those that can’t won’t get help, they will eventually die. I guess that is what the government is doing. It is their way of finding survival. It’s called population control I guess.

It is sad that the rich in the country just feel sorry for the rest of us but it’s not like they are going to help anyone. They say, “Why would the poor do this or do that?”  As if we are a group of people with a disease.

Would there be anyone to answer this plea? Would anyone even ever see this plea? I doubt it. I have put a lot of stuff on the internet and no one has ever seen anything I have ever put on the internet. I even wrote a book and tried to market it. I have only sold four books in a years’ time. I have tried to learn internet marketing but the internet is a sea, a very large ocean and again, it takes a lot of money to make money on the internet.

It is amazing to me that the government is working so hard to reduce the amount of citizens that it has but yet most people can’t find not even one person to care. It is amazing that in a sea of people living among us that so many of us are alone and lonely. The government is waiting for the weak to die so that the rich can inherit the world. It is working and probably a lot quicker that you may think. And then, it confuses me that the USA welcomes everyone from other countries and gives them a free ride but they will not help you if you are American. Strange?

I do not want to be a refugee in my own country, but we are. I don’t want to be one of the fallen. I want my family and me to survive. I have already lost one child to the evil of this world and I can’t lose another. I just can’t survive it.

The only miracle that can help is the miracle if money, money to fix our truck, money for a home and a way to help my son, Andy find a normal life. We live in Missouri and when Missouri cuts, they cut help for the disabled. That is where they make their cuts.

If you can help, please do. If you are willing, please help.

Just email me at ajthompson_5@hotmail.com

P.S. This could have been avoided. Had my husband and I had an opportunity when we were young to get educated then we would not be suffering. I know this because all of those that I went to school with that went right on to college and never got hurt by anything bad have got it good today. They have homes and cars and jobs and families and neighbors, hope and love. Learn something from this.

Thank you for listening and I hope that you are having a great life!

Prologue For Anne's new upcoming novel, Ghost Am I. Coming Soon!

 

Her name is Andrea Jane Rye

Death came and took her life

The act was brutal

the death insane

but angels came and took her pain.

In the cosmic mist of heaven

angels gave her spirit

new breath, new life

new strength and power.

She has returned

Dear Andrea Jane

So come close

and listen well

because she has a tale to tell.

What's Happening in The World Today...Think About This

Think about this. No one but God (if you believe) can hear what you’re thinking. I wonder how often it is that people think instead of speak? I’m a writer, I am a thinker,  I know I can’t speak due to a lot of bad results, so I write, then I give it twenty-four hours. If you think it, no one hears it unless you communicate it. No one knows it as long as you don’t communicate it in any way. But, then again, no one knows you unless you communicate. So, there are a lot of variables to communication and thought. As a norm, we all edit what we think before we speak according to the person that we are speaking to and the reasons that we are speaking to them. But, there are times when this can be difficult; editing what we think before we speak can be difficult in the throes of anger and emotional upheavals and these are the moments that we don’t think. These are the moments spoken from your heart, where your feelings are instead of your mind where logic and reason live.

Can we have more control over this? Ask yourself how many feet you would have never stuck in your mouth if you have just stopped and thought whatever it was you were going to say without moving your lips.

Some of us can control what others hear coming from our mouths because so many of us spend a lot of time alone, in our space, in our homes and some of us do most of their communication in written dialogue. That makes communication so much easier but then with NO social interaction, in person, then our abilities to be out and about in the world can become difficult. So, maybe that rule of thumb of counting to ten before responding makes sense and maybe, just maybe we can adapt that into our lives and make it habit forming enough that we can go out in the world and socialize and communicate without fear of feeling stupid or inept.

That’s all I got today folks! Let me know what your thoughts are on this subject. I would love to hear.

Just a little taste.... of Ghost Am I

Just a little peak into what I have been doing.......

 

“What do mean? How are we ever going to know what we can do if we don’t try! Huh? We are outside, it is night and it is dark. No one can see us and what on earth do you think is going to happen. We are able to move things right? Just by thinking about it so,” with that Audrea lifted her hands to the air and thrust her arms forward, “what are you afraid of!”

At that moment it was as if you could almost see a force field made up of huge circles of light powered with mighty electricity surrounding her and you could hear the pulse of the power getting faster and faster spinning harder and harder and then it was like an invisible atom bomb just went off. Andrea was thrown at least twenty-five feet away and landed on her butt with a whumph. The trees were all blown so hard that all of their leaves and branches were leaning the opposite direction as if facing a typhoon. Even the stars disappeared. Audrea was still standing there with this look of absolute awe at what had just happened. Her brown eyes were huge with excitement!

“Yeah!” and then she gave that attitude look on her face, shifting her head sideways sucking her cheeks in and sticking her lips out a little, “Now that’s what I’m talking about. Now if we only had a magic van, we could really have some fun with this being a ghost thing. Make that a ghost van. I know we can be anywhere we want to be is a thought but oh how I would like to freak a few people out while we are on our mission to send this evil demon back to the hell he came from. Come on, you can’t say you wouldn’t like to too!”

What is Happening in My World Today

What’s Happening in My World Today!

Does success in your life depend on the approval of other people? If so, then how can we ever approve of ourselves or even like ourselves?

My family has never approved of anything I have ever done and I think it is because they never wanted my success to depend on the approval of other people. They wanted me to be able to be an invisible income maker, a person that can make an income completely based in the work that I did.

My first career was being a mom. My second career was music. I played a guitar, a piano and sang anything and everything. I got approval but I could not leave my kids and I never could find the right people to be with as a band or a group. Now, although I do have a good voice, nobody wants to be a part of that with me.

My next career was a regular job in a regular office doing a fairly easy job but, yeah again with the but’s, there was a man that worked there that literally wanted me gone and did not like me in any way but I had to work with him so, his goal was to make me cry every day and it worked most of the time. And then, one of the girls I worked with just out of the blue started being mean to me and when I asked her why she told me that if I couldn’t figure it out then maybe I should think about it. Well, I couldn’t figure out how being nice to her every day and supportive could make her this mad and then with all of the stress at work, my health started to fail. Two surgeries and a lot of stress pills later, I finally just quit.

My next career involved my husband and I going into business together. Five years and a bankruptcy later, we realized that we didn’t have enough capital to keep it or ever should have started it. Actually, it was due to a bank that got audited, fired everyone, froze all of our assets and accounts, stole our money and put us and many other business owners in that town out of business.

My next career was a Real Estate Agent which started out with flying colors. I passed the test with the highest scores that the state said they had ever seen, sold a million dollars’ worth of homes in my first 6 months, landed a multimillion dollar listing and then…got fired by my broker.

Then I decided to go to work for a big company and when I got the job I was excited until I found out that I was hired by corporate and there were already employees there that wanted my job and so the other employees let me know not to get too comfortable because they wanted my job and they were gonna get it no matter what they had to do to me. Trust me, a few lies and a few months later…I was demoted and demoted again and then fired.

Then, I decided to go to school at 40. I thought it would be wonderful to go to college. It was wonderful for the first three semesters. I was even on the Dean’s list and then…at the beginning of a new semester one of my instructors was so mean that he failed everything that I did within the first three weeks and I was failing math and I only made a C in theatre which I never understood because I aced every paper, every project and I was there most every day. I actually did make it through that semester but only by the skin of my teeth and not on the Dean’s list. The next semester I lost my eye site due to a little thing called Graves’ disease. I had surgery and got most of my eyesight back but then I owed money and have not been able to return, plus I got the idea stuck in my head that I went to school to find out that I was stupid, according to that one instructor. That is not what I was paying for and still paying for.

Then, you know those bad things that happen to good people? Well, a lot of those bad things happened to my husband and I. We lost our home, had to move and find another home. Three years later we lost that home because our payments went from $625.00 a month to $1500.00 a month and our income could not support that. My husband lost his job because the corporate office for the company that he worked for decided to close the doors. Then one of our boys got sick and it was a long term illness and then on top of that…I was raped.

Now, moving on…my husband has found a job that he loves although he has to fight daily for the money he earns, our children have healed and grown and left the roost and I wrote a book that I can’t seem to sell and spending my time writing another. I guess that if I submitted my work more often to real publishers instead of doing the Independent publishing thing then my writing may end up being another career and that is where we get back to the beginning of the story…my work depends on the approval of others.

Well, I guess that is how it works. To succeed, you have to meet the approval of other people and that is a very scary fact.

Please chime in…I would love to hear your thoughts or your story.

That’s all.

What Happening in the World Today

What’s Happening in the World Today

A student from Afghanistan obtaining a pilot’s license was charged with First Degree Murder!  I wonder what he was planning to do with that pilot’s license.  

Read the story here: http://fox4kc.com/2012/09/04/man-arrested-in-warrensburg-homicide/

And in the world of Trucking it is tires, tires, tires. Does everyone know that there are serial numbers on tires that can be checked to see when they were made? Tires being placed on chassis coming from the rail yards have been proven to be 9 – 10 years from manufacturer date. Check those tires before leaving the rail yard!

http://www.tirerack.com/tires/tiretech/techpage.jsp?techid=11

Also, EPA and their new regulations regarding the new fuel emissions system being placed on new trucks is breaking the “new truck” owner. One driver reports having a truck for twenty years, best truck he ever owned, barely ever been in the shop so, when he decided to buy a new truck, exactly like the old truck it came with the new system designed to reduce the fuel emissions and that brand new truck, which is only a year old, has been on the shop SIXTEEN times due to that new emissions system! It is melting truck parts due to the heat that it emits trying to burn of the emissions. Be warned before buying a truck any newer than 2009 or you will spend a lot of money at the shop. New emissions system not working!

Also In the world today, the new election. What country would you like to live in now? I know it sure has me thinking about living in another country. How about you?

Post your concerns about the election and let me know. Become a member of my blog, I want to hear from you!

NEW BOOK IS IN THE WORKS……..to be continued.

 

Sneek Peek

Here is yet another Peek and what I have been up to with the new book, Ghost Am I, coming soon...Enjoy!

The day brought with it beauty, a bright clear sunny cool sky as pretty as any has ever seen. The rain that fought to flood, that rain, it washed away all of the hard, dry, dusty, dirty, and damaged; that which had suffered the cruel drought.  Now, the trees, they all stand majestic in all of their slender and beauty. Soft and beautiful music sings from the whispering of their leaves with the help of the wind, coming from far away and sounding beautiful in ones ear as it washes near and passes by.  Their leaves shining bright and reflecting their beauty like emeralds in the sun. The wind whispering slowly, softly, helping the leaves create a dance with shadows on anything and everything they cast their magic upon.

Margret sat in her wheelchair seeing all of this from her bedroom window. She watched as the sparrows and the bluebirds flew, chasing each other in play, all around and the cardinals sang and the hummingbirds darted about like little fairies. At her window is where she loved to spend her mornings while the nurse would brush her long silver locks and her tea warmed her soul. She said a prayer and mourned for a while as she did most mornings, mourning for her son’s spirit, yearning to hear his voice. This morning, she had watched the day come in to greet her for it was sleep that never came last night. Her sixth sense was awake in her heart and raging in her mind, larger than life and restless, letting her know that something was coming on the wind and she was right.

“Margret there is someone coming up the road. Were you expecting someone?” The voice of her nurse and housekeeper called with her soft voice emitting urgency and concern, from the front room of the house.

Margret never said a word; she just turned away from the voice of her nurse and back to the window where she could watch the car snake up the long and winding drive below. The house was nestled, deep in the trees high in the mountains of the Ozarks of Missouri. This is where she hides in a death that never was but keeps her safe. This is where Sky helped her hide away and it is Sky who comes to see her now.

Margret already knows why, she had never lost her spiritual connection to her son although dying was the only way she could save herself from her son and so that is what she did. She died, dead and buried with the help of the one and only love of his life, Sky. Joe would have killed her otherwise. Joe, the evil from within her son, the evil that dares to cross her path again visited Margret in her dreams at night and plagued her thoughts during the day. She dreams of his slaughters and those dreams are in color. Horrible, devastating, bloody deaths, the screams, the agony, the joy he gets from the cries of women and now, there are two more added to the list of victims. But, those two have lived, lived impossibly but yet in spirit, their powers joined by his first kill to make them three, their spirits survived and she can feel their strength in the air.

She must call to them, to bring them here, so they will know, so she can help bring an end to the ravenous slaughters of the demon that lives within her son. She must bring it to an end forever!

The Way of the World Today!

The Way of the World Today....Eat This!

The day brought with it beauty, a bright clear sunny cool sky as pretty as any has ever seen. The rain that fought to flood, that rain, it washed away all of the hard, dry, dusty, dirty, and damaged; that which had suffered the cruel drought.  Now, the trees, they all stand majestic in all of their slender and beauty. Soft and beautiful music sings from the whispering of their leaves with the help of the wind, coming from far away and sounding beautiful in ones ear as it washes near and passes by.  Their leaves shining bright and reflecting their beauty like emeralds in the sun. The wind whispering slowly, softly, helping the leaves create a dance with shadows on anything and everything they cast their magic upon.

Bad people go away

Sadness find somewhere else to play

I am going to sing

and be proud today

Smiles will win

Laughter will sing

Enchantment will bring

Love on a wing

a prayer in my heart

So, today bad stuff

You’re not going to tear me apart!

The Way of the World Today

Well it has come to the week end at last and I hope all of you have a wonderful love filled weekend. I know I will because the love of my life will be home and oh, how I will finally sleep.

Try to love the best you can. Try to understand. Your love is your friend in a way that no one else can be. Listen to your heart about what you know about the person that you love, not to others who do not understand. Stand by the one you love under all circumstances regardless of things others may say. You know the person that you love and that love is to be wrapped around that person in a way as to say “I love this person so BACK OFF!”

Love is a magic place in which all other things in life are just a means to find that love.

Love is the answer for all because when there is love, it’s you and the person that you love standing together to face the world together. Just the two of you and with that love you are encouraged and strong and the world can be one great big playground and life can turn out to be a beautiful love story……if you stick together and know that people will come and go out of your life but the person you love will be there for a lifetime. Who are you going to listen to?

She's the keeper of his heart

the only one with a key

And she's a dreamer

in his eyes

A dreamer with a foolish pride

He is a believer in anything she dreams

He would give everything

to keep her from slipping away

So he holds his lady in his arms
and loves her so tenderly
And with a whisper he gently pleads
Oh baby, forever love me.
Then he holds her in the night
and their fire explodes inside
They ride the night
so faithfully
And he speak
these words she'll hear forever
With this ring
I thee wed
and forever my love
I will truly give
with my heart
and with my soul
forever my love
will truly be
if you will
forever love me.

The Way of the World Today

SO,  here I am on another beautiful day, sitting on my deck with the dog and the birds and the tree’s, peace and tranquility, looking out into the world to see what I see. What I see is life that lives just because, It Is. All of Mother Nature just is and it just lives. I would like to be more like that but life forces us to be so many things that it can be so confusing. I think I need a new dictionary because things just don’t mean what they used to, ya know?

It’s like these kids that I have been talking about, this girlfriend and boyfriend. At the very moments that they were together and loving each other, anyone would bet that these kids were really, madly, in love. They had been what I really thought was love for four years. It was in their eyes and in their actions and how they did everything they could for each other. It was the way they laughed with each other and took on life together. The way he always rubbed her shoulders when they were just hanging out around the kitchen. They loved honestly, I thought. It seemed like such a fairy tale because you could see it in their eyes but I was naïve and realized those were just feelings within moments that those feelings were shared. It seems to me that every time they reached out to help other people, those people would tear them apart, every single time! This time it only took a pretty, adorable, sweet little sixteen year old girl who even took my heart away, to get into the girlfriends head and make her feel and think things about the boyfriend that were not real and she fell for it and so, instead of believing in the boyfriends character, she believed the everything that was said about him and they broke up, yet again for the fourth and last time.

It is so sad, the reason it is so sad for me is because these are young adults that were kids together and both facing life with difficult disabilities that made life hard enough, then to lose each other.

The Way of the World Today

                                                     The Way of the World Today

 

So, this is the way of the world today. Today, continuing on from yesterday, my friend had to get the police involved because his little girlfriend had been brainwashed into believing that my friend has now become evil, overnight and decided to spend her morning driving by his house and trying to provoke a fight so, the police were called in and the situation was handled very well.

So, the sixteen year old girl did a number on my friend and his girlfriend and now they have broken up. It is so sad. They were such a great couple.

So what I learned today is that anyone, and I mean anyone can say “I love you” one day and not mean it the next because of other’s people getting involved and turning people against each other. It’s almost like people thrive on drama that is hurtful and painful. What I learned is that people need to say, “I love you right now”, instead of for life because you never know what is going to happen from one day to the next. Another friend of mine told me that although her husband is a bad man, she would rather give her love to him than to her own mother. And with life being this way in so many situations, exactly what does “I love you” mean anymore?

As you can tell from my posts, I am a writer that never leaves her home. Absolutely! I have been out in the world and as of two years ago, I said never again. I have been working all of my life and been fired, made to cry everyday till I quit, demoted till I quit, fired because of made up stories and humiliated. I went back to school at forty and developed a disease that made it hard for me to see and then I was raped. Now, I do what I can from home because I am not going out there again! The only way that I would ever leave this house again is if my husband told me we were moving to Nanaimo, British Columbia, the most beautiful place I have ever been in my life.

I write, that is what I do and I think that this blog is going to have a new name that will be called, “The Way of the World Today” and it will be based on the behaviors of society and what people are doing to each other out there so that maybe we can all stop and check ourselves and see exactly what we are doing to each other as we try to make it through this life together.

Thank you and this is me signing out for The Way of the World Today.

The Way of the World

The Way of the World

 So I stepped out into the world today, big mistake. Today I had to leave the comfort of my home to go pick up someone I know on an early morning from the job he had driven to. Here it comes, the drama.

Today he was supposed to babysit for this family made up of a mom and three kids that just moved into town, in fact, this guy I know had helped them move for his girlfriend, need I say this again? For the girlfriend. Him and his girlfriend helped this family move into town alright. They found them a place to rent, they babysat and toted the little two year old around and ran here and ran there running errands, unloading boxes, cleaning and the like. The oldest is a girl of sixteen years of age and already has the responsibilities of an adult parent with her nine year old sister and her two year old little brother. At first sight, I thought She was a sweet girl.

But, today when my friend arrived to babysit this little two year old so the mom could go to work and the sixteen year old and nine year old could go to school the sixteen year old girl proceeded to yell and scream at him and call him everything in the book. Why? Well, his pickup broke down and the mom in this situation was letting him use one of their vehicles for helping her with her kids. That was working until my friend faced this unruly sixteen year old girl telling him that the vehicle he was using was hers and that it had been her birthday present and she wanted her keys and for him to leave and to get out! 

That was it! He dropped her keys and he left. Walked right out and started heading down a long stretch of dirt road to call me to come get him. I even tried to talk to the sixteen year old but she wanted nothing to do with me.

So, here I sit back in my little room after having left for a dramatic showing of life. My friend is so upset. His girlfriend who he was doing this all for was Two-Hundred miles away at a very serious Dr.’s appointment and he was so worried about her and he was trying to explain things over the phone to the “mom” in this situation and he knew that his hands were tied. The sixteen year old stayed home to take care of the two year old and proceeded to text the “girlfiend” all the rest of that day filling her head full of lies about my friend and trying to tear my friend and his girlfriend apart. It was awful. My son refused to babysit again because of the sixteen year old and for a Twenty-One year old man, babysitting a two year old when the sixteen year old girl is in the house trying to get ready for school is a set-up waiting to happen for the Twenty-One year old boy and that was no place for him to be. The situation was all in good intentions but I think things are about to get worse. This sixteen year old girl and her little family, I think, have just taken my friend and his girlfriend on a ride and it may not be over yet.

There was also a situation with the borrowed vehicle that was nothing but an incident involving my friend when he tried to back out the day before and almost hit an installation van. He didn’t but the sixteen year old sure decided that because of that and that my friend raised his voice to her when she yelled at him and that automatically made her go into a defensive mode because she knew she over stepped big time and wasn’t sure what he was going to do because she does not know him. She used those two things to decide that my friend was a bad guy and proceeded to treat him as such and to make everyone in her path believe this too.

I think I know why. You see, this guy is Twenty-One years old and has Autism. Most people do not know that he has this. It’s something that has so very little effect on him that no one knows until he yells. Then he gets loud.  Most of the time he knows how to control it but, he also has a very hard time understanding other peoples expressions and whether they are angry or kidding around. This man is a wonderful man. He is so kind and understanding. He is so sweet and has never been rude in his life. His manners are impeccable and he just loves everyone.

I think that knowledge may have been involved with the sixteen year old girl’s feelings towards him.

The lesson learned here is that in the world, the way it is today, so many people have been so hurt by one another that judgment gets passed before anyone even knows each other. Life has made it that way. People have to make snap decisions on each other because there are  so many bad people out there that safety does not allow time to get to know someone before you judge because if the person is bad and they get one second into your life then, you could lose everything, even your life.

I see no answer to this other than to except it for something that can’t be changed. All the people are hurting each other so much that no one can be anything for anyone else because of fear, and rightful fear.

This is the way of the world today.

 

 

 

 

A teaser from my new book "Ghost Am I"

 

Hey there. So I have been working very hard and so I thought that I would let you in on what is to come with the new book that I paln on having out before the end of the year.

It is called

Ghost Am I

And so here I give you a taste with

Chapter One

Andrea

 

 

GHOST AM I

Chapter One: Andrea 

 Andrea never really thought much about the ghost thing. She just never really believed in ghosts. She figured that when a person died then their spirit would just go straight to heaven and deal with what came next. She never imagined watching herself lying in a hospital bed, watching her family come and go as they cried over her and prayed. There was something beckoning her though, always pulling on her thoughts, always in the back of her mind, beckoning her to reach out and move on to another place but she just couldn’t. Not yet. She was here and she wasn’t willing to give that up, not until something made her.

It was over, her life. Her physical death had happened and there was nothing she could do about that. This coma was happening and that is what she concentrated on, although the brutality of her death still crept up on her. Every time it left her gasping for air and kept her spiritual body, although it still felt human to her, jerking away from the memory of the pain and the sheer terror of her murder.

Andrea’s husband, Alex, was always there by her side and she could never leave him.

Especially not now in the state of mind he was in, he cried so much and it broke her heart every single moment. Andrea knew that he thought that she was still alive in there. The madness was, she was, just not in that body the machines now lived for.

Her mom and dad came every single day Her Dad would sit on one side of her bed and her mom on the other. They would hold her hands, cry and pray. Her mom would even rub lotion on her hands because they were getting so dry. She read to her and talked to her and it was hard, it was painful for Andrea to watch them go through that pain. All she could do was wait patiently for that moment when they would just let her body go and realize that she was already gone.

“Dad! Daddy! Oh god, daddy. I am so sorry that I had to leave you Daddy. I remember you telling me that you couldn’t go through losing another child. I remember promising you from my heart that I never would. Daddy, I need you to hear me. Please Daddy!” Andrea pleaded on her knees and wept so hard so many times.

She would touch her mother’s shoulders and let her hands linger there just to see what would happen and without ever realizing what she was doing; her mother would always reach up and touch her shoulder where Andrea’s hands were, every single time.

 "Mom, it's me. Can't you hear me? Can't you feel me? I'm right here, Mom. Not in my body but I'm right here. Let my body go. I won't leave you but you need to let my body die. My body is already gone, Mom! Please hear me."

 Her mom, she felt, should hear her. Alex could hear her though. She knew he could because she could wake him up.

Alex would fall asleep holding her hand.

 “Alex, hear me. I need you. I’m scared. I don’t what I am doing here and I don’t know how long I will be here, but I need you. Please hear me.”

Alex would always wake up. “Andrea? Andrea? Where are you babe?”

But then, it was always as if some stupid logic would take over and he believed it was all in his head. Andrea decided that the only way to reach him would be in his sleep. So, every time he slept, she whispered into his ear for him to turn off the machines.

It took a long time but it finally happened. Alex and Andrea’s family were finally able to let her go after six long months. They gathered in the room, all together with tears in their eyes and finally accepted the moment. The doctors let Alex turn off the machine. It only took a moment, as her chest finally settled and refused to rise again and then they wept. In that moment, Alex reached down and kissed her cheek and told her that he loved her and then finally released her hand and turned away. Her mom and dad did the same. Andrea tried so hard to tell them that she was still there but no one heard her. It made her feel so afraid, being in this non-physical state all alone. No one knew that she was there watching them. She felt like a scared child wanting so badly to crawl in her mommies arms and watch the scary things just melt away.

 It was over, her life just gone. Andrea sat in the car with Alex as he drove home from the hospital. The day matched the mood. Rain came down in a constant drizzle; the temperature just cold enough to keep the windows attempting to fog up, fighting with the defroster. It almost looked like a scary dark October night within a March day.  Andrea stayed in the house with Alex, right by his side. He was having such a hard time dealing with this. I think he just instantly went from sorrow and anguish to anger and revenge. Andrea could feel it in every part of him. That determination would be the fire that would drive him each and every day until he finally receives some sort of closure. Anger was the one thing that she knew in her heart would replace his anguish. Andrea also knew that him losing his cool about this just may take him too if he doesn’t get control over it. She felt his frustration. It felt massive.

*****

Andrea was there, at the cemetery, to watch her own funeral. Intense emotions racked the body and mind of her spirit. She felt so much sorrow inside her as the whispers of her breaking heart enveloped all sound from her ears. Shock stood front and center and her stability was shaken as the realization that she was actually dead entered her spiritual bloodstream. There was no coming back from this and nothing in her life can be finished for her life had gone from a headstrong force into the face of life to an instant unexpected brick wall of dead, over, life snuffed out.

There were so many people at her funeral that it really surprised her and she was in awe of the love that these people felt for her that she would now, never know.  Alex was there along with his family and hers. Andrea stood in front of each and every person, feeling their sadness and mourning for the love that they shared with her. And then suddenly, as instantly as her death, out of nowhere, she felt heat prickle the hairs on the back of her neck and she felt a shock that sent all within her sight to white, a deep burning white, her heart pounded and her very breath was being taken away. She started swinging her body around to see what was creating all of this emotion within her when, at the very moment that she turned, she felt that she was falling. Feeling exactly as she did the night that she died. She felt as if she was about to come face to face with the evil which brought this death upon her. Whatever her existence was, her breath was stuck in her throat and every muscle in her body spasmed like lightning bolts running through her entire body. She shrunk away, wrapping her arms around herself, wanting badly to run and hide inside herself where nothing can find her.  Her head swam and her anger swelled. She felt like she needed to scream. Scream loud and hard. And all of this emotion burned like a volcano inside of her as she was turning to face the person that was giving off all of this feeling inside of her. All of this was exploding inside of her before she ever completed the turn and, as the turning of clogs inside the heart of a clock, Andrea and the man standing directly behind her turned to face one another as if he were in anticipation of seeing someone too. But then, Andrea became confused. Every part of her being told her that she was looking at the very man that did this to her, to her family but all she saw was a normal man. Not the man that murdered her, not at all. This man was a very well postured man with a stately stance. This man was well dressed and well groomed, a very respectful looking man. He didn’t even come close to resembling the size or the shape of her killer. It seemed impossible to her that this could possibly be that man. He never felt her nor did she cross the threshold of his mind before he moved on. That man certainly was not what made her feel that way. Confused, she forced herself to turn away and run, hard and fast and as she did she felt a strength rush into her heart and within her mind, she flew. She needed desperately to get far away from all of this. She needed help and before she realized what was happening, she was somewhere else. That somewhere else just so happened to be standing beside her College roommate Joyce’s grave.  Joyce had died with her that night. They had been apart for so long. She had been Andrea’s best friend during all of those years in college. They were actually part of a team, a strong tight sister team. There had been three of them but then, something horrible happened and then there were only the two. The one they lost, her name was Audrea. She was murdered and not just murdered but brutally slain. Her death was terrifying and gruesome.

After a late Friday night party at a frat house she had turned up missing. Joyce and Andrea had seen her with this guy and somehow they just knew that there was something wrong with him but Audrea couldn’t see it. All she could see was that he was tall, dark and handsome and had a motorcycle. The party turned wild. There were young students and non-traditional students running, screaming, hollering, laughing and dancing everywhere. Girls where hurling in the bathrooms anywhere there was somewhere to do it, fixing make-up and gabbing up the night. Make-out sessions were going on everywhere and Audrea was nowhere to be found. They had been trying to keep up with the party, have a good time and keep up with Audrea. The last they saw she had been in the bathroom doing the throw-up, make-up, tooth brush thing and then they followed her to where she had been hanging out with this guy. Guys found girls, girls found guys and the dancing commenced. Someone had turned the lights way down low and then, she just disappeared. They couldn’t find her anywhere. She disappeared with that motorcycle guy, off into the night and that was the last time that they ever spoke to her again. They had tried desperately and in vein to find her. Three days later, a college group that had been out hiking found her body. She had been brutally murdered. Raped, stabbed and found hung in a tree. Her eyes had never been closed and she was naked for the whole world to see. Her stomach had been cut open and it was learned later by the medical examiner that she had been three weeks pregnant. It was so hard to believe. Her death was so hard to except.

She had been the strongest one in the group. She had been the “self-esteem builder” of our group. Andrea was the “silly, wild, get everyone in a lot trouble and have lots of fun” person and Joyce was the “sexy man magnet”.

Joyce never really seemed to recover from Audrea’s death. She dropped out of college, never married or ever had children. She lived alone, worked a menial job and stayed to herself. She never talked to Andrea agsin until right before they both died. Andrea knew that Joyce blamed herself. She once said that she felt like because she was the oldest she should have looked out for Audrea better. They worked with the police for months afterwards trying to find the person responsible for her murder but, after so many dead ends and barely any leads to go on, the police finally filed the case away cold. The man she had left the party with that night was eventually found and walked with an alibi for the time of death and said that they had parted ways. Andrea never gave up though. She even devoted her career to finding Audrea’s killer and she was bound to never quit looking. Not to the day of her death and now she knew the truth. But, now she was dead. She faced that realization but, to be dead and still here was going to need some explaining or just some understanding. She was bound in her heart to find a way to help Joyce and Audrea rest in peace. 

Someone else was there also, a man Andrea did not recognize but then, she did feel some sort of déjà vu as she contemplated his face. He was tall and had beautiful dark reddish brown, shoulder length hair, his complexion, pale but with brilliant color in his lips of red and eyes of blue. There was something about him that felt a little familiar and a little captivating. He had this magnificent strong masculine chin line with high cheekbones.  He wore this long black trench coat and as Andrea walked up close to him he turned. He looked right at her. At this point Andrea was scared to death because he was facing her and then he started walking towards her, still looking directly into her eyes. That was creepy but even worse; as he got closer she seen him smile, a smile that said “Yes, I see you and yes I am real and yes, there’s gonna be trouble.” Andrea tried to calm herself thinking that maybe he would just walk right around her and be gone. But, oh, that is not what happened. Their bodies came into contact and then, he spoke, and he said, “Oh yes. I see you. Do you remember me? For if not, then you will eventually for we have been given a chance to dance.  I have become something quite different in my death, than I was during my life, so as you too will become but for now, you’ve been given a chance to dance with me and this dance comes with much satisfaction. We will meet again.” And then, he just turned and walked away, he just faded away and disappeared. Andrea was feeling so scared that all she could think was how bad she wished she were still alive and could still run to the safety and protection of her husband Alex.

Was that man another ghost or an angel, maybe the angel of death? She wondered if she should be afraid because somehow, that was not what she felt but somehow, just the opposite. 

The funeral wrapped up. Alex had requested that everyone let him be alone and let him mourn. If there was to be a reception Audrea knew that he would want them to do it without him. Then, he sat at her grave and wept, alone.