Surviving Life and The Traumatic Events that Change Us: Do Life Before it's too Late

Surviving Life and The Traumatic Events that Change Us: Do Life Before it's too Late: So, I just got done watching this movie called Carolina. It was made in 2003 and it starred Shirley MacLaine as Grandma Millicent Mirabe...

Do Life Before it's too Late

So, I just got done watching this movie called Carolina. It was made in 2003 and it starred Shirley MacLaine as Grandma Millicent Mirabeau. The one thing that inspired me the most was Grandma’s outlook on life. If she wanted something bad enough, she showed up with a shotgun. That made me laugh so hard. She didn’t take anything from anyone unless it was her way or what she already wanted in the first place and absolutely no one could have hurt that woman unless they died and she loved them.

Now, that is the kind of woman I wish I had been my whole life. I wish so many things about myself. I pray and ask God over and over again to please, let me go back and try life again. Maybe I would do it right this time. What are my regrets you ask? Well, my kids and not doing right by them, my parents and not doing right by them and last but not least, myself and not doing right by me.

I think I know the exact moment that I realized that I was a misfit. It was the moment I walked into Lincoln Elementary 6^th grade class. All the kids in that class were expecting a new kid and they knew she was a girl. So, everybody was hoping for some movie star looking perfect beauty queen and in walked me.  A curly headed little orphan Annie looking girl except chubby. I remember that moment exactly and how all the kids looked at me and then immediately looked back down at their desks. You could hear the disappointment in the room. It was deafening to me.

That was the defining moment in my life that made me realize that, I was alone. Oh, I had a family, and oh how I loved my family and they loved me. But, in that moment, I realized that I was going to have to do something incredible to ever be anything but…a misfit. I have been trying ever since to be and do something special in this world and as much as I tried the more I failed.

Now here I sit in a mobile home in Missouri, nowhere to go. No friends really that I can go and do things with. My kids are grown, haven’t seen my daughter or my grandkids in six years. My body is broken, my brain a big pile of tears, fears, regrets and nowhere to go from there.

Now what do I do with my life? The house sits silent. I can’t just get in my car and drive for many reasons. I have a hard enough time trying to remember what time it is let alone write another book. Now where do I go? Now what do I do? I am only 48 years old and it seems my life is over while the world just moves past.

It’s almost like I want to tell the world out there that as long as you’re thin the world is your oyster. I don’t mean for people, especially kids to think oh I have to be thin to be counted or make it as something in this world; the deal is, like college. When you go out into the world after college the work force does not care what your grade point average was but that you made it through, that you graduated. That is the whole point. College makes you strong enough to endure. That is a big word, endure. And the same with your body, you have to work hard to have a good strong body. It doesn’t just come from the genes you are born with. Life is the same way. You have to work hard to have a good life. You can’t just watch life, you have to go out there and take it by the horns and get life, even if you walk into it looking like little orphan Annie.

Let me be an example of what not to do. Don’t spend your life dreaming or hoping someone else will always take care of you. Get up, get out there and do it yourself while you are still young enough to do it. Otherwise, you will end up sad, alone, depressed with all these disorders and mental, like me. If I can’t do it, maybe I can help someone else do it, live, make it and still be strong way past 48.

For me the best I can do, is hope and pray for my kids, pray and hope for my family, take my meds and sleep. Right now I really am laughing at myself because I really do wish I could sleep but I can’t. So I am writing this, hoping to reach the right person out there somewhere that needed this. You don’t have to be what everyone else is hoping for, but you do have to give all you got to be what you are hoping for and don’t let the rest of the world get to you.

Here’s to you…now go get ‘em.

Love,

Anne M. Thompson.

Help! I want to survive!

I am so desperately in need of a weight loss institute that also has Doctors and Counselors and Therapists. My weight has become a life and death situation to me because it causes me to have uncontrollable anxiety and depression.

I just can’t live with it anymore and on top of that I have arthritis, Myofascial Pain Syndrome, PTSD, Panic Distress Disorder, Social Anxiety among other things and I am have also been raped.

Being raped is not the worst.  Losing my daughter and four grandchildren has been the worst. For six years my brain wakes up thinking about them and goes to sleep praying for them and every moment of every day my brain screams their names. They are not dead. The person that raped me was my son in law who was drugged out of his mind. He is not the only one at fault. I am at fault as well for putting myself in the position for the rapes to happen. Yes, I said RAPES. I was also using marijuana at the time that I was getting from him that he was adding other drugs to before giving them to me that was making me unaware of what was happening to me at the time accept for the last time.

But, that is not the point. What is the point? It is that I have gone, over the last 6 years from 115 lbs to 180 lbs and my stomach is disgusting. People keep telling me that I need to learn to love myself as I am. Well, gee, I can’t. I absolutely cannot. I am so distressed over my weight that I have damaged my body desperately trying to work it out.

The thing is, I didn’t eat myself this way! I have an auto-immune thyroid disorder and I have tried everything you can imagine to build up my metabolism and nothing has worked. I am fighting depression. I need help. I cannot take this anymore.

I also need to have an endoscopy and a colonoscopy which my doctor has ordered but yet I have chickened out of each time because I freak out. I have had a lot of surgeries and although this is not a surgery, I will still be put under anesthetic and in the past, I have had panic attacks while under anesthesia and in the process of waking up.

I can’t eat a lot of solid food because after I eat it, it feels like I have rocks in my stomach and I basically live on protein shakes, fruit smoothies and veggie drinks. I am also in a lot of pain that at times is controlled and at others, nothing works.

As if that is not enough, I am financially unstable. HELP!! What is the answer? Where is a miracle place that can help me? There has to be a place out there somewhere that can help me. Is there? Is there?

 Me before:

Me After:

Is there someplace out there that I can go that can help me? I can't do this alone. I need everyday help and people that understand all the health issues I have and can properly treat me. Is there?

Surviving Life and The Traumatic Events that Change Us: Changes

Surviving Life and The Traumatic Events that Change Us: Changes

Changes

Wow, so it has been a very long time since I have been here. Blogging again after so long is almost like being unwrapped from a full body cast, head to toe.

The things I am going to be writing about are not always going to be about surviving traumatic events and what happened to me and others but, I am going to be writing about these things.

I have a story in mind. This story is one that you will have you coming back to my blog for more, a story about a fantasy life that has been lived out in a fantasy world. It has been lived out in a virtual world so it is more non-fiction than fiction but then again, it has been lived in virtual reality so; make up your own mind. Is a virtual life fiction or non-fiction? Although the characters are virtual there are real people putting the action, emotion and communication behind the characters.

The stories are based on real people and their experiences in a virtual world called Second Life. You may have heard of it. I don’t want to go into the psychological views because there are many opinions out there on virtual lives. Each person that experiences and keeps going back has their own reasons. Some are there because they are disabled in real life and in a virtual world they can walk, fly, do almost anything and be almost anything. Some have illnesses that make it almost impossible for them to live life to the fullest it was meant to be lived but they can in a virtual world.

Everyone has their own opinion, even doctors but until you live someone else’s life, even the doctors have no right to dictate what is better for a person than that person themselves. And again, that is an opinion, my opinion and isn’t the world full of opinions? So many, that the world has become scary with them. I am not saying that if a doctor tells you that you need medication that you don’t have to listen to them; I am only saying that in my own experience, this virtual world has brought life to me that I could not find anywhere else in this world.

Let me give you an example. A woman sits alone, sad and lonely. She has very few friends and her family does not live in the same town. She has no one to talk to most of the time or share a little time with where someone is holding her, cuddling with her, telling her she is beautiful, sharing things that they love doing together. But, that person can go online into a virtual world and share those moments with someone. It is not physically real but it is emotionally real and psychologists have proven that the effects mentally can be the same and most of all comforting. Some say it is just putting a band aid on real life but for some, there is no source of a real life cure to what ails them.

For some, it is the only way that they are ever going to get to feel those feelings that they long for. To hear someone tell them that they are perfect and beautiful or to have someone to do things with that they have in common. That can be impossible for some in life.

So, there is the future for my blog in black and white. Come back for more if you like. I still desire to entice you and mystify you, keep you coming back for more.

Sincerely,

Anne Thompson, still surviving.