Wishing for Warmth and Blue Skies

Okay, so I thought that I could live in a dually with my husband for a week and trust me, it was a complete week. A dually for those of you who do not know is an oversized pickup truck. Not a Semi that has more than a back seat. All there is, is the back seat and nowhere to run away to when you want to be alone. Big mistake. I feel dirty, helpless, hopeless, tired and if I want to get up and move around then I have to wait until a time presents itself and step outside in the cold weather elements. I have had to squat outside, help strap cars down in the freezing rain, get squished in the back seat by husband who always seems to have to change positions every five minutes so it takes at least eight hours to get four hours of sleep. Ugghh, Anyone who could see my nails right now would think I am homeless and after all of this, I still seem to have hope. No sanity left, but hope (probably because Jeff finally got me a hotel room) for this quest to find work to get the THE Big Truck that I want and maybe get enough money put together so that we can have a little capital to run on and THEN, I can get my camera equipment, finish school and become this amazing Photo-Journalist that I want to be. I have figured out that I want to be a feature writer. The Society pages. Yes, I want to bring real life stories to the world that will give hope, spread love and touch hearts. Whew, that just gave me chills. Oh yeah, and give people chills.


So, getting off topic I would love to share something that happened to me last night. About Five-Thirty in the morning my husbands phone rang so I answered it. I said “Hello” and what I heard just threw me. On the other end of the line a very young female voice came across asking me why I was answering her husbands phone and she said it with words I don’t care to repeat and in words I also do not want to repeat, I let her know that this was my husbands phone and that she had the wrong phone number, She then replied with a simple response, “Sure it is!” Well, at that point my husband grabbed the phone from me and hung it up. Well, that was not the end of that. The next morning that young girl was weighing heavily on my mind and I just could not help myself so, I called her back. Yes, I really did. I told her who I was and asked her if she was alright and if she had found her husband. She replied that yes, she was fine and that her husband had been at work and she honestly did not remember calling me and apologized. Then, she started to cry. That just took my heart away. Turns out that she was twenty-five years old and her parents had moved away to Alaska and she was in Kansas City. She emphasized so much on how far away they were, stating that they were three-thousand miles away and that she missed her mommy and what a daddy’s girl she really was. Her dad had come back for a short visit and so she had gone to her brother’s, which was quite a way’s from where she lived, to stay a few day’s and be with her dad and then her husband was to come and get her the next day upon getting off of work. She cried that she missed him and life was just so hard trying to grow up and be this grown-up on this big bad world that just wanted to eat her alive. I could relate so much. This girl was the same age as my daughter and my daughter is a mother of three and in the Air Force. I am so proud of her. In just a few months we will be calling her Sergeant Woodward, Mam. It amazes me that our children become so large and self sufficient at this age and it warms my heart so much to know that our children still have that longing to be mommy or daddy’s little boys and girls. I don’t believe that ever goes away. I still want my mommy almost every day and I am a grandmother myself. It also makes me remind myself about those who do not share those precious memories of childhood or those who are children that do not have that comfort that is so naturally desired by most.

I have heard lately, some complaining about the American government giving so much aid to Haiti after a horrible earthquake destroyed so much of their world and so many of their lives. It seems that some feel that there are far worse in need right here in their own country that they can not help, why are we sending money that we do not have to help another country. To some this makes no sense what-so-ever but the simple action of me listening to that inner voice that told me to call that little girl and help her was an action of one person reaching out to save another and so when I think about the issue of the American government helping Haiti and I don’t see it as one starving country trying to feed another, it is simply one person, or many, reaching out to make action happen to help another, and then, as many more as possible. Goodness, mercy, forgiveness, it all comes back around. I believe that. People get what they give. It’s seems to be a proven cycle and if some feel as if they give much more than they receive then maybe they need to really take a close look at their actions and see if the giving that they gave was self-serving in any way.

Anyway, the phone call that I made to that little girl lasted thirty minutes and she thanked me for answering that voice in my head and calling her because she needed to talk to someone so bad that would just listen, not try to solve the problem, she can do that, she just needed someone to care. It made me feel so thankful that I had been right there at that time to be that person that she needed. That’s all. It is sometimes the poor blessing the poor that makes us rich. If one American helps a person in Haiti, maybe as a direct result, an American will be helped. Think about that.

Truck Drivers the Bottom of the Career Demographics?

3:00 A.M. is a very hard time to get up and get ready for work, but low and behold, here we are early on a Monday morning still trying to make it out of Missouri and start making some real money for this truck. Patience, patience, patience.


Janurary 25, 2010, Monday
The Bottom of the Demographic Pool?
By: Annie Thompson
This is what I read in someone else’s blog about truck driver’s. This was appalling. So, I did some research and according to Donal O’Connor, a writer for The Beacon Herald, demographic profilers can only offer limited insight and their practical usefulness is debatable The conclusions drawn can not be statistically valid or reproducible so, these criticisms are not as well founded.



There are many different types of drivers out there. Many who are actually proven to be at the TOP of the career income demographics, making more income than many of those claiming to be above reproach when it comes to their income and careers. Also, in this day and time with the recession being what it is to each of us differently, having a job, getting a job and climbing the ladder to a better job should be the ultimate goal but, what about those who instead of searching for a pre-existing job, create one on their own and that is what it means to be an Owner-Operator of a trucking company. When someone owns their own truck, then they are business owners. This means they must be capable of handling many different business decisions and therefore must be educated enough to be an accountant, a driver, physically and mentally capable of handling many different and dangerous situations under a lot of pressure and have excellent communication skills. As business owners, we run, all the time. As long as our truck is running then it is making money and we are making money. This job does require you to be able to live in many different environments and at the mercy of truck stops all over the country.

You see, at home I have a lot of luxuries but out here, we get a little dirty and sometimes I don’t get my teeth brushed until ten o’clock a.m. but I can guarantee that I have had more formal training in the arts, literature, humanities and societies than most of the people claiming to be demographic profilers. Excuse me but I have lived a life that has taken me from Beverly Hills, Ca. to hog farms, dairy farms, feed mills, Missouri, Kansas, Iowa, Nebraska, ect… and I am telling you now that all of the Gucci, Versace, Louis Vuiitton and Tiffany’s could never compete with all of the natural beauties I have been a part of traveling across the country. For example, sunsets over the Ocean, a waterfall above old winding rail road tracks in Colorado or going over a drawbridge in Portland. These are things that can never be bought, could never be reproduced and can happen only once in a lifetime. What have I bought? Nothing. What have I taken home with me? Many beautiful memories, pictures and irreplaceable moments of time. Did I get up out of my own bed and hit my own beautiful bathroom, coffee pot and drive, all pretty and smelling good to an office? Absolutely not, but I did receive the opportunity of seeing so many miracles that the heart can barely take them all in? Yes I did and if someone thinks that truckers are at the bottom of the demographic pool then they need to check the assets that they have and think real hard about where they came from. No drivers? No products. I wonder if those judging are ever hungry or they ever want to eat? If so then a little more respect for those who deliver the meat you eat and the milk you drink. Thank you.

Parking Between the Lines

Fog, Bad Luck and "I am so TIRED of being patient with life. I really want this amazing Big Rig that I know someday soon I am going to have and plenty of loads to get us moving. I can not really call this week a success. We have done nothing but go around in circles. The Maryland load was a fluke. So, moving on, we have been running local runs with very little money to get just a little money. I need $4000.00 to get our bigger rig going so that we can at least have something a little bigger than the dually until the Big Dream Rig comes into my life. Then, I will be able to concentrate more on attempting to get educated and be recognized as a photojournalist so then we can LIVE OUT OUR DREAMS. I am waiting, waiting, waiting.........

So the story for the day, Parking Between the Lines". Thanks.

Illegal , Not Parking Between the Lines apparently is worth a $30.00 ticket these day's. Well, honestly had I been parked, straddling the lines, I would have understood, but my car tire was barely touching the line, plus there was "no parking" in a corner lot on that side of my car. So, I WAS A LITTLE UPSET. If I had not had a license or a parking permit or had hit another car then I could understand the word ILLEGAL, but no, my tire was touching a stupid painted stripe in a parking lot. Being petty is more like it. Petty. Which leads to another question. Between the lines, is society as a whole making it impossible "to" park between the lines? Does society have so many available battles to offer to fight over that as a people, we really have to "pick our battles" so that we are not constantly having to fight through every moment of our lives? Every time someone does something ridiculous and someone else get angry then there is the famous "Law Suit" wick then brings on the response of another "law". Are we going overboard with the laws and the lines, the rules and the signs?


Have we reached a point where some are afraid to live for fear of making another mistake or breaking another rule? Are we afraid to move for fear the next step may be "the landmine" that takes us out, completely unaware that we have broken someone's justifyable self serving laws? Like  the game Monopoly, could someone take all that we have left as retribution for breaking a law that may have been justyfiable but not neccesary and therefore leaving most of the public out of the loop on it's existance?
 
My personal thought, there is a lot of "petty" in this world.

UP, UP, UP AND AWAY WE GO! Except on wheels!

Jan. 19, 2010


Well, boys and girls, the show is about to begin. Take your seats and hold on tight. It's bound to be a slippery ride.


Off into the world we go, it's winter time out there. Blustery winds and snow hurricanes embellished in crystal ice.


The beastly King of Winter rears it's tremendous head and rips out of the sky avalanches of ice and snow and blows.


But, the Knightly King of the Highway pushes forth with his gallant and powerful steed, to the mountains of the East coast and on to Baltimore. This is where I am hoping you are laughing.

This will be fun. I wanted adventure so I guess this will be it. A dually and a three-car trailer and off we go. Hopefully this will find us where we need to be financially so that we can fix our big truck. Not yet a Big Rig, but it's economy size and I will suffer for now in hopes of being rewarded with a much larger and more on the side of luxury home to fit on the back of a Big Rig. So, we are off to Baltimore, Md. And then hopefully after that we will be off to Vegas to deliver a giant generator for a movie set. So this could get exciting. Hang in there with me and we will find out.

Cross Roads, Wich Way Do I Go?

Hey there,

So as you know or may not know, I have been attempting to earn a Bachelors Degree in Photo Journalism. This is not going so well. My classes were so tight and six classes in a row with no break in between was just a ridiculous thought let alone a ridiculous action. This semester has me locked in a corner I can't get out of. So, I must move on. Not taking any action at all is worse to me than going backwards, but, this is just a break to work on my portfolio. I have only had to back up and turn around because I missed my exit. Right. I hope you are laughing because I am. I really got upset after the second day of classes and called my dad. I told him that I wanted him to get God down here because I was fed up with the way life is going and felt like he could at least present himself in person if he could create the earth and all. I was fuming mad. Nothing was going my way. I could not handle the load. I wanted someone to tell me which way to go and what to do and I would just do it because of my indecisiveness. Before you know it every way I turned a big wall was slamming down in front of me preventing me from going any direction except one. Yes, the only way out of this room is through a door that literally leads into living inside a dually with Jeff, my lover, my man, my best friend, oh my goodness, am I still going to feel this way after a couple of weeks inside a little bitty truck without a sleeper with my man. I guess we are going to see because I guess it is out to sea for me and the muck that lives amongst the highways and byways of America. Yeah, me. Listen, listen, and listen for the sarcasm. We are laughing on the outside. That is what matters. Okay, we are”Moving on”. I actually stole that saying from my best friend in the whole wide world, Jennifer Carpenter. That is one amazing woman and a great inspiration. She is the epiphany of the perfect generation x mother, wife, student......the list is endless and hopefully you will meet her here. I invite you all to interfere, interject, start something or just be plain silly on my blog and make this exciting.

I am moving on to a new part of my life and heading out into the wild blue yonder with my man. I hope you come along and see where the road takes us.



Thanks for reading

Being a photo journalist student in a school that does not offer it as a major is difficult. I think I have changed classes 4 times now and my major but, I push on. Jeff is working all local work right now and home every night. That is wonderful. It is "getting" us closer and closer to that dream of being an accredited photo journalist and owners of a bad ass truck that can go anywhere (We have our passports) and can carry my home. "Patience dear", that is what I hear. Well, moving on and pushing forward.

I will share something with you though that is mushy, but it's art. My art.

     He is Many

He is, a sweet magic spell

And oh, how he amazes me.

A prisoner forever

In his hypnotic grip

Is this man or is this beast?

As he sleeps

Wonder entrances me

That someone so strong

Can be so soft

That all his heroic strength

That comes with the sun,

Can overwhelm me

And weaken me to my knees

I have surrendered

Completely unaware

As in a dream

Way off somewhere.

Amazing, tantalizing

Hypnotic and rare

So close now

I feel his stare.

I feel his breath

I feel his warmth

Envelope me

Overtake me.

Heaven above, hear my thanks

For all I see within those eyes.

Starlit pools of blue

Mesmerizing

That passionate stare.

It keeps me prisoner

forever

an addiction

In that sweet magic 

so very rare.

Dreams.... Sex, Love and the 40's

Come on SUN. Come on out and melt winter blues away. To the left is the baby truck we take out into the world to make us the money we are hoping to make to get the truck that I really want.

This is the truck I really want. Still dreaming. No new trucking news so, here is an article from my portfolio. Hope you enjoy. Thanks for the support.






Sex, Love and the 40’S


Alright boys and girls, here comes the 40th Birthday. Now hold on to your shorts, and I mean literally. A lot of people think "No big deal. I can handle this. I don't feel 40 or look 40 so why should I be 40? Right?" We think to ourselves. "Don't make it a big deal. There are more important things in my life to deal with; I am not going to get all caught up with my age!"

Then there comes the big life jolting changes. The kids Move Out. They can no longer be the center of your attention. Their lives do not revolve around you.

Then someone say's: Do you know how old that perfect twenty-something looking person is? They are 40! Then we really start looking at ourselves in the mirror and we become almost desperate to gain back that youthful glow. To be seen as sexy and hot.

Men start to experience more intense emotions. Whoah! What was that? Oh, yeah, and they become sensitive and way, way, way beyond the normal when it comes to sexual desires that start roaming around in their heads. They are 40 yr. old victims of the comeback of the 18 yr. old hormones stuck inside a much older body And, it's not “as” easy to gain relief at this age.(laugh).

The feeling of being young and single again is overwhelming, even when married, as a couple, you have the euphoria of being single again.

There have been experiences of desires that tend to be wild and crazy; incredible temptations and desires to do crazy fun wild things. Some things, that at any other time in life, most of us would never even consider. Most of the hold up or second thoughts are due to how much control we allow society to have over what you believe to be right and wrong. The thought of applying logic and reason to gain emotional stability and a person’s thoughts toward their moral virtue versus their social reputation that they allow others to see. In other words, who a person is and who they portray themselves to be in society.

Some experience intense insecurities.

Feelings of rejection seem to jump out from everywhere. Some of us would feel so, much better if someone would just say that you really are sexy!



Experiencing fantasies with each other? Better? Worse?

Turning against each other to fulfill those fantasies alone because of thoughts that the other won't understand? That is what separates us from each other. Help each other live out those fantasies. Be a part of the fantasies. That is how we grow closer together. There is nothing I can't do without my man. It's all part of the sexual experience of life. Tell your lover all your secret desires even if those desires don't involve them. You never know what kind of response could come. Being honest? Cheating? Affairs? Why?



Love. Sex. Making Love. Is there a difference. To me there is a difference. Love, you share with your partner in life. When it comes to sex? At least we always involve each other.

Guy's, has another guy ever turned you on and it freaked you out?

Girls, has a woman ever turned you on? Acted on it? Why?

Need for self assurance? Is there maybe a desperate need to be the center of attention for once?

There will be a new and improved you once we get past the issues of sharing yourself completely with another person. The partner you share your life is your best friend, your confident, your lover and the person you do all those wild and crazy things with that you could never do with anyone else. That is love, to me.

Well, back to the grindstone of trying to support my partner in his financial endeavors and his trucking business. Wish him well as he chooses to set off without me so that I can continue on with school so that when someone does see my work then they will also see that I have credentials.

Yeah! It's Winter People! There will be ICE AND SNOW.......

The day is gray. White snow is everywhere. The tree's that look sadly dead. The roads are filthy with slush and dirt, the trucks look the same. There are drivers that look tired and haggard, but, snow? they say "So what! It's snow and ice. It's always going to come and go. That never stops drivers. They keep pushing out there. That is thier job, their livelyhood. When there is work, they take it. It is scary. There have been plenty of times that I have had to close my eyes, pray and faith.


Today I have good new and bad news. The good news is that we are not out there. The bad news is that there is no work to be had. So, in this season there are a lot of people out there with the same story. This can turn into a positive thing though. Time has come for life reflections and self examinations. It all comes down to the fact that no matter what socitey does during this time of the year there will be moments where we will all be stuck. Not able to do much but think, so there is no better time to reflect on ourselves. How are we moving? Are we moving? Not much time for ruts in this life. Sometimes the direction doesn't even matter but that we are moving. Moving forward is always the best and you may be but it just doesn't feel like it.

Life changes. It can't be stopped. So maybe it's how we change with it that determines the directions we are going in our lives. I have a big question. Here goes.

IF YOUR LIFE DID NOT REVOLVE AROUND ANYONE ELSE BUT CAN ONLY BE MOVED OR CHANGED BY YOUR ACTIONS ONLY, NOT REVOLVING AROUND SOMEONE ELSE, WHO WOULD YOU BE? WHERE WOULD YOU BE?

Is that a big question or what? If you were giving the opportunity to decide what you wanted to be or do and told that your achievments would be the only way to move ahead and improve, who would you be?

I am not 100% sure but I know somehow it would have involved what I am doing now, just a lot sooner in my life. Does everything happen for a reason?