I am so desperately in need of a weight loss institute that also
has Doctors and Counselors and Therapists. My weight has become a life and
death situation to me because it causes me to have uncontrollable anxiety and
depression.
I just can’t live with it anymore and on top of that I have
arthritis, Myofascial Pain Syndrome, PTSD, Panic Distress Disorder, Social
Anxiety among other things and I am have also been raped.
Being raped is not the worst. Losing my daughter and four grandchildren has
been the worst. For six years my brain wakes up thinking about them and goes to
sleep praying for them and every moment of every day my brain screams their
names. They are not dead. The person that raped me was my son in law who was
drugged out of his mind. He is not the only one at fault. I am at fault as well
for putting myself in the position for the rapes to happen. Yes, I said RAPES. I
was also using marijuana at the time that I was getting from him that he was
adding other drugs to before giving them to me that was making me unaware of
what was happening to me at the time accept for the last time.
But, that is not the point. What is the point? It is that I
have gone, over the last 6 years from 115 lbs to 180 lbs and my stomach is disgusting.
People keep telling me that I need to learn to love myself as I am. Well, gee,
I can’t. I absolutely cannot. I am so distressed over my weight that I have
damaged my body desperately trying to work it out.
The thing is, I didn’t eat myself this way! I have an
auto-immune thyroid disorder and I have tried everything you can imagine to
build up my metabolism and nothing has worked. I am fighting depression. I need
help. I cannot take this anymore.
I also need to have an endoscopy and a colonoscopy which my
doctor has ordered but yet I have chickened out of each time because I freak
out. I have had a lot of surgeries and although this is not a surgery, I will
still be put under anesthetic and in the past, I have had panic attacks while
under anesthesia and in the process of waking up.
I can’t eat a lot of solid food because after I eat it, it
feels like I have rocks in my stomach and I basically live on protein shakes,
fruit smoothies and veggie drinks. I am also in a lot of pain that at times is controlled
and at others, nothing works.
As if that is not enough, I am financially unstable. HELP!!
What is the answer? Where is a miracle place that can help me? There has to be
a place out there somewhere that can help me. Is there? Is there?
Me before:
Me After:
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